I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
