i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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