I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
