chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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