I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
