so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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