Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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