he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
