I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
