if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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