Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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