You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When are your genitals available?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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