Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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