why didn't you poke me back
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
