Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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