You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
