should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
