I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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