I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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