Pappa wants mamma naked
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
