She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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