This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
