I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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