She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
