WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize