My room smells like vodka and shame
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
