Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
