I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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