maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
