During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
