im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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