She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize