Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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