i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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