They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
