so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
