Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
