To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
