Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
