I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
