so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
