super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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