So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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