So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
