i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
