what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
