Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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