can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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