I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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