So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
