You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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