im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
