when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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