Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
