Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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