just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Enjoy the penises
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
