saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My cat gives me a boner
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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