hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize